Great Expectations

Well I have officially been in Moscow 3 days. I came with high expectations to see all my friends again and just be able to hangout. Have a carefree break after the missions trip if you will. However that isn't what I have experienced. There is something so deep within me that has just completely snapped. Moscow is no longer my home, it isn't the place I left. I am happy to see some of my friends again but I know this is no longer my place. Something so strong within me continually pulls at me while I'm here. There is a tether on my spirit and my heart that is consistently being pulled harder and harder. I can no longer stand it. I have to go back. Saint Petersburg is now my place for the next week. I will return to the call that both terrifies and thrills me. I don't know when I will fly, I don't know where I'll stay, I don't know what I'll do; but I know I need to do it. To walk into the unknown and just travel in faith is difficult for me but I'm ready to take that step. God will travel with me and He'll be waiting for me on the other side when I land.  There is so much of this whole experience and decision I don't understand. Why not Mosccow? Why can't I return to my old home and old life? Because I am not the old me. The old me is dead and gone, lost somewhere in the sea. The new me is alive and thriving  and ready to jump into the violent warfare that will most likely surround me.