On Bypass

Written March 23

Russia. The motherland if you will. It is an incredibly dark and cold place. Corruptions are all around along with the depression of the youth who carry the burdens of a difficult life. It is not considered a destination spot for most Americans; snow and communism aren't desirable. Similarly the language is considered harsh or ugly. So by appearance my decision to go there is foolish, reckless even. However, there is a hunger for the truth and for deep personal relationships here that is entirely unmatched by the American population. The people are loyal, the language is vivid, the fire within them burns bright, and they are open to new experience. The winter may be cold and dark, but soon there is spring and summer filled with tulips and green trees. So people may ask why sometimes I feel that my life is on pause until I return to Russia but that's ok. You see, while in the states my body remains on bypass, a moment of rest and waiting. Then time comes to return to the motherland and the bypass is turned off and the heart begins to pump full and strong once again.

Reasons Not Included

Well yesterday the inevitable happened. I was sat down by the pastors I've slowly grown to despise and told that I needed to step down. I really appreciate the lack of reason as well. That was really helpful. Really biblical too. We all know the reason, you don't want to deal with the conflict with crazy people. Yes, clearly I am the one that needs to step down. The one who actually does her job and gives a crap about the kids. Well you got your wish dear spineless pastors, I'm gone. You will no longer have the one person fighting to keep this afloat. Do you know what happens when a youth group collapses? The church does. Enjoy your church taking another step towards the grave. You've been enjoying that downward spiral for a while. You chose an entitled problematic parent  over your leader whom you've known over 20 years. So don't sit there and continually tell me you love me. Bull crap! Actions show love not that phrase. Your actions have told me otherwise for a long time. Love is showing respect. Love is having loyalty and someone's back. Love is not flip floppig on them all the time. This? This crap that you've been showing me and putting me through? That's not love. So spare me the I love you speech because we both know it's not true. That's you saving face so that I don't go ballistic on you and start throwing the truth back in your face. You don't want the truth though you want peace. Because you don't want the truth, you don't want to see what a mess is under the rug. Because what's under the rug exposes your poor decision on the youth pastors. Well there's a mold under that rug and it's growing. You ignoring the mold just allows it to strengthen and eventually it's going to take over the house and it will be destroyed. You want to know the best part? I won't be there to take the fall for it. It will all be on you. You continually acted like I contributed nothing. Like I was always the problem. Well time will tell won't it? The truth will come out and you all will be exposed for the apathetic failures you are. Now that, that's a show I'm ready to see.