Well I arrived in Saint Petersburg last night. Today is my first full day back. I can't even express the level of relief I feel. I feel like I can finally breathe again. That I was in a constant state of drowning and struggling while I was in Moscow. I suppose it's the price of not being where you are supposed to be. I am so grateful to have been able to see my friends again but am relieved to be out of there. This trip has been the most dramatic for me in many respects. Some of my highest highs and lowest lows. Moscow literally made me feel like I was losing my mind. My emotions and thoughts were so out of control, I couldn't grasp reality. At camp I felt the sting of the loss of a friend so much stronger than I've ever experienced. To be at camp and know I can never tell her about it. To never be able to share the successes and changes in students lives literally knocks the wind out of me. There's still many days here that I try to hold back the tears as that reality strikes me again. I'm reminded of what an amazing mentor and leader she was though and it inspires me to strive to be that for these kids. She was always there, always ready to be a shoulder, always ready to bring you into her home regardless of the time. So excited to pray, read and praise with you at a moments notice. I want to be that for others. I want to be the next Denise. So I wear her necklace as a reminder of what a life devoted to others looked like.
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